The world we live in today and the conditions around us have paved way for the rising intolerance to us losing our cool at the drop of a hat, over thinking about the trivial matter is inevitable. Our self-entitlement, narcissistic traits and ability to not compromise at all is wreaking havoc for our mental and emotional well being. The tumultuous state leaves us drained. Something as petty as standing on a red light boils our blood, to our lover not picking up our call only once gets us panicking, anxiety kicks in, or something as subtle as a friend failing to reciprocate our greeting in the hallway with the same enthusiasm gets us to jump to a conclusion that they don’t like us anymore or we did something wrong, and before we know it the heart wrenches at the emotional upheaval created by the cemented insecurity of our incapability of sustaining meaningful relationships.
All this keeps on adding to dangerously increasing levels of anger, frustration, anxiety, worries and emotional instability. Our perception of the world is through our 5 senses eyes(see), ears(hear), tongue(taste), skin(feel) and the nose(smell). Our intake from them plays the catalyst in provoking a certain chain of thoughts or the mental or emotional activity stimulated in the brain which finds an outlet in only two forms – via mouth or movement. All your release of emotions and feelings manifest itself through the verbal form using the mouth or the movement like the actions of your body which spread across a spectrum of punching the wall to rigorous workout to more subtle activities such as taking a shower.
In my younger years, my parents would go to work and I will be bullied in the school for my spectacles or the way I looked and coming back home I will get beaten up. I won’t have anybody to talk to and as a child, I was too scared to let it out on my sibling or in school physically for I was frightened with the mere thought of my elders catching me displaying any sort of displaced anger on a classmate or even a swing. Oh, you couldn’t throw tantrums or cry in my disciplined abode. How and where could have the lid be open just a crack? I started mumbling angrily in my sleep. The vexation found a subconscious outlet via sleepwalking.I had started to feel the heavy burden and the weight of negativity pulling me down. I just had to let it out.
The regular disposal of the simmering bowl of toxic byproducts like anger, anxiety, and exasperation is very essential for a harmonious life balance. This is exactly like those excited electrons at a higher energy level which is very unstable. They release energy to come back to the ground state (lower state), the state of stability.
Stability is important for growth. A troubled mind inhibits your overall development. You become too full of unimportant and misguided feelings that you have no space left to embrace the good things in life. It blocks out your ability to learn new things or enjoy the small pleasures. It latches on to you like a parasite and feeds constantly. It is like you are smothered in a tightly wrapped plastic sheet which is transparent. So it allows you to see everything but you remain nothing but a mute spectator as you fail to absorb anything. No exchange takes place. You shut yourself down to new experiences as the jar is already brimming with negativity. To remove the blockage, the filter of the A.C. needs to be cleaned to be exposed to a fresh batch of experiences.
Back when I was a child, I had no conscious control on my sleepwalking or mumbling as my outlet but when I grew up and realized the necessity to empty myself of negativity, the first form that came naturally to me was ranting (which uses mouth as the outlet).
In my initial days of the fellowship at the training institute, I had a colleague who would go to great lengths to annoy me. He was a pervert of the highest order and I was spending major portions of my day with him. I will cringe at his translated actions of various thoughts will reflect his ugly mindset all day and then go and empty the big bulky tank of exasperation and bitterness at night.
What I thought was emptying, however, was not even close. Instead in a week’s time, I gradually found out I had 2 rows full of these barrels of detestation. While I imagined I was getting better by verbally venting it out, my confidante pricked my bubble and told me that I talked about nothing but him. So, I spent the entire day feeling a strong aversion towards him and came back home and ranted about his annoying habits in a better than ‘pyar ka punchnama’ monologue. Wow, so now apart from the compulsion to spend my former part of the day with him, I voluntarily like a ‘genius’ that I am, was making the latter half about him too.
The ranting version of venting is flawed. The negativity breeds more negativity till you are caught in a whirlpool of harmful emotions pulling you down.
We have believed for the longest time that displacement of anger in a one-sided transfer proves to be helpful. The screaming and shouting or displacement of the anger on a pillow by punching it or boxing on the wall does not help. Freud’s ‘Catharsis theory’ stating that aggressive actions purge anger has been debunked by Geen and Quanty (1977) who published their influential review of catharsis theory in ‘Advances in Experimental Social Psychology’. They concluded that venting anger escalated it instead of sobering it down. The instant anger outlet only provides momentary relief before it comes back darker and stronger.
Also, rumination, which is focusing on the inward self at the surge of anger, studies suggested that it only aggravated the negative mood. If the given individual is made to think about how they feel or describe it, the anger levels will be maintained, if not end up exacerbating the condition.
These activities were like being caught in a feedback loop of negativity.
So, the next day when I came back home instead of indulging in an aggressive release, I stumbled across my harmonium which was sitting in a corner accumulating layers of dust. I sat down with it and flipped pages through my old music diary and started playing a few notes. Needless to say, I felt a new wave of calmness spread over me. I slept like a baby that day.Another time, I felt overwhelmed with emotions after a verbal spat with a friend and I couldn’t think straight. I was so pumped up, ready to throw out abuses like darts at her when I took a deep breath and suddenly I had an urge to stretch my arms. I opened my arms wide, swung them around and before I knew it I was gliding across the room slicing the air with my awkward movements like a chicken flapping its wings. I didn’t break into a proper jig like the Punjabi wedding style one but a more natural way of just plain movement.
I felt ecstatic. This worked better than any therapy I had taken.
Gradually, the pattern emerged and I started noting down all the new activities I could voluntarily pump the bursting rage into or resort to when emotionally unstable. It was turning out to be miraculously helpful.
Ranting and negative outbursts were enhancing the negativity building up like a tumour while these newly developed eccentric interests would not only neutralize it but also transform the stinky vibes into bubbling positivity.
Given that we generally stick to the Hydraulic model of piling up distress, which talks about high pressure, a relatable way to think about it can be in terms of the bow and arrow. The best time and way to start a new activity and practice it daily is hence when our barrel is full.
The string of the bow is taut due to the building pressure and hence the energy which is the arrow will now be directed when you shoot. It can be either be directed towards self-destruction by ranting or aggressive activities which invite harm or towards making you smarter.
Yes, no kidding.
Scientists have claimed that our brain has the magnificent ability actually to form new neural connections by re-organizing itself throughout our lives.
No brownie points for guessing how that happens.
Learning and practicing a certain set of new activities!
This bottled up turbulence is finally acting as the Aladdin’s lamp and on rubbing comes out the genie in full glory who will grant your wish to make you smarter!
Now, what are these activities which facilitate you to make a conscious choice towards your growth and help you maintain a healthy balance while venting out? Talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I introduced this concept to my friend circle and most of them claim that it works. It does take an initial effort to channelize the fire inside but after crossing that first barrier, it works like a charm.
After their input and some research, I managed to loosely divide them into three types namely physical, mental and emotional buckets:-
Surge of Anger – When I was bursting out in anger, all red in fury, playing ping pong, exercising, freestyle dancing without the pressure to remember the steps, learning a new musical instrument and washing my clothes in a set deadline helped me
Mental Unrest – While my thoughts played me for a puppet, I found chess, Sudoku, doodling, or reading a book and learning a new language were a good start to engage my mind.
Emotional Tide – To ride the overemotional wave, I had the adult colouring book, sewing, writing a journal and cooking with your non-dominant hand to the rescue. Also, if you come across a child’s lego blocks, rejoice! Oddly enough, they help.
Hence, the steps are as follows:-
1st Identify the bucket according to the disturbance
2nd Pick a corresponding activity.
3rd Practice it.
So, next time that co-worker pisses you off, you can be on your way to becoming the next Mozart!
When you find yourself brimming with anger, anxiety or clouded with sentiments, pick up a suitable activity and practice your way to becoming a smarter, healthier you!
Also, not just in adults, even the kids I teach have got a flavour of it. So whenever my kids show similar frenzy instead of scolding them or asking them to write 10 pages of a book which they dread as a consequence of their action, I instead ask them to pick up a task. I have broken it down into a 3 step procedure for them on a chart – How do you feel?
1. Anger
2. Anxiety or Overthinking
3. Emotionally overwhelmed
1st go choose your feeling. Accordingly, pick up an activity on the corresponding chart. Do it for 20 min. Return to your seat.
They enjoy it so much that now they have started cooking up their turmoil story to get to do these activities, but that’s a different story altogether.
So, what we fail to realize is the power of venting out positively. We need to harness this power that we have in our hands to practically increase our intelligence levels utilizing the piled up feelings and anger in the best way possible.
Directed venting has the power to make you smarter!
Even if the changes will not be visible to you immediately, starting with the little activities like cutting your nails or changing your bed sheet also add immense positivity to your life. Owning the space and body you live in is very important for a balanced mental and physical health. The space you inhabit is a part of you. Be at peace with the self, yourself and you shall be at peace with the others.
No comments:
Post a Comment