A letter to my broken self

My dear broken self,

Hi (whispers), I know you’re in there. There is no need for you to hide anymore. Here, take my hand, my, you’re so cold, yes almost there, come step out into the light. No, I’m not going to put the blinds on. What is it? Yes, I am finally acknowledging you. You see I have realized that being broken is okay. That is how the light gets in. Of course, it will take some time for you to get accustomed to the brightness. Me too.      

Frankly, I have been ignoring your existence for as long as I remember like you’re an ominous spirit but you’re not. I know it took me too long to accept that you are a part of me. You are me. I am you. We are broken. I am broken. 

Not the romanticised version shamelessly glorified in the captions of oodles of pictures floating around on Facebook and Instagram. Not like my muse who would inspire my art or ignite my creative spirit but more in a way that I am drowning or burning. both At the same time. Burnt and drowning. The burden of my existence weighing me down to the seabed.

You run your thumb over your rough edges contemplating how much harder you can press before it slices your skin like muslin cut neatly into pieces for its dexterity in stitching your superhero suit. Your armour. You don’t leave the house without it anymore. 

You’ve weaved your cocoon with the loose strings from every failed relationship. A pretty rainbow with the scarlet dyed with the lost love, parakeet green with your envious brooding, canary yellow with your eccentricities and a dark blue with the dying light of a flickering candle. 

The thorns as the mistakes in your life now embellish your fort wall. The moat around it reeks of disappointment and betrayal. You are now familiar with that scent to the extent that it feels homely. 

You trudge past the deserted streets of what was a flourishing town inside you once. Now all abandoned almost in haste, as if by the cause of some natural catastrophe, uprooting the entire settlement. What remains is a ghost town. Empty buildings, empty blocks, empty roads. 

You who left a “ You “ shaped hole in me.

As you take all your pieces and try to make meaning out of them by arranging into a jigsaw puzzle but you figure out that they won’t fit. You see some of them have gone missing. The Rubik’s cube can’t be solved as gaping holes stare at you from places where there used to be the coloured blocks. 

I have peeked at you lying down on your back with a lousy finger at the stars, connecting them like dots spelling D E S P A I R.

You’re a puppet, with strings attached and pulled by the information you've  acquired from a duly memorized manual of how to behave in certain common social settings and situations. “Oh thank you, yes, please. Smile, nod, repeat.”

Stale breath with repeated pleasantries.

You’re spending a lot of time by yourself lately. Alone time. However, I see that you’ve started to stray into the other side. You scout around the boundary of ‘alone’ before crossing to the pool of loneliness where you lose your way and seldom return. I have seen that it gives you a warm snuggly feeling of comfort to succumb into the abyss. 

You feel uneasy. A strange quivering sensation swallowing the entire body with a whirlpool emanating from the belly, feasting on your normal body mechanisms, to grow into a tornado rising up. I rush to the washroom. A gag reflex, a forward jerk in the neck, (gag reflex) huh…no vomiting. Again. False alarms again.

Nothing comes out.

Not even the tears anymore. They too have dried up. I hear the tear glands were rescued from the flooded areas as the water level had risen beyond the danger level. 

I have forgotten the trails of dampness running down my cheeks and their salty taste kissing the corners of my lips.

Smeared mascara like the hollow dungeons deep and dark where once your eyes would light up like the crackling fire in a cozy barn on a frosty night.

I think it is time for me to change my mirror. You see, it is not my reflection staring back at me anymore. OR maybe its time to change myself. 

To complete myself by accepting you. 

I, that is you and me, are okay. This is okay.

See, we’re even warmer now

Now let’s stop loathing in self-pity for you see,

I have mountains to move, and absolutely no time to lose 

So what if I’m broken, who isn’t?

Venting it right

The world we live in today and the conditions around us have paved way for the rising intolerance to us losing our cool at the drop of a hat, over thinking about the trivial matter is inevitable. Our self-entitlement, narcissistic traits and ability to not compromise at all is wreaking havoc for our mental and emotional well being. The tumultuous state leaves us drained. Something as petty as standing on a red light boils our blood, to our lover not picking up our call only once gets us panicking, anxiety kicks in, or something as subtle as a friend failing to reciprocate our greeting in the hallway with the same enthusiasm gets us to jump to a conclusion that they don’t like us anymore or we did something wrong, and before we know it the heart wrenches at the emotional upheaval created by the cemented insecurity of our incapability of sustaining meaningful relationships. 

All this keeps on adding to dangerously increasing levels of anger, frustration, anxiety, worries and emotional instability. Our perception of the world is through our 5 senses eyes(see), ears(hear), tongue(taste), skin(feel) and the nose(smell). Our intake from them plays the catalyst in provoking a certain chain of thoughts or the mental or emotional activity stimulated in the brain which finds an outlet in only two forms – via mouth or movement. All your release of emotions and feelings manifest itself through the verbal form using the mouth or the movement like the actions of your body which spread across a spectrum of punching the wall to rigorous workout to more subtle activities such as taking a shower.

In my younger years, my parents would go to work and I will be bullied in the school for my spectacles or the way I looked and coming back home I will get beaten up. I won’t have anybody to talk to and as a child, I was too scared to let it out on my sibling or in school physically for I was frightened with the mere thought of my elders catching me displaying any sort of displaced anger on a classmate or even a swing. Oh, you couldn’t throw tantrums or cry in my disciplined abode. How and where could have the lid be open just a crack? I started mumbling angrily in my sleep. The vexation found a subconscious outlet via sleepwalking.I had started to feel the heavy burden and the weight of negativity pulling me down. I just had to let it out. 

The regular disposal of the simmering bowl of toxic byproducts like anger, anxiety, and exasperation is very essential for a harmonious life balance. This is exactly like those excited electrons at a higher energy level which is very unstable. They release energy to come back to the ground state (lower state), the state of stability.   

Stability is important for growth. A troubled mind inhibits your overall development. You become too full of unimportant and misguided feelings that you have no space left to embrace the good things in life. It blocks out your ability to learn new things or enjoy the small pleasures. It latches on to you like a parasite and feeds constantly. It is like you are smothered in a tightly wrapped plastic sheet which is transparent. So it allows you to see everything but you remain nothing but a mute spectator as you fail to absorb anything. No exchange takes place. You shut yourself down to new experiences as the jar is already brimming with negativity. To remove the blockage, the filter of the A.C. needs to be cleaned to be exposed to a fresh batch of experiences.

Back when I was a child, I had no conscious control on my sleepwalking or mumbling as my outlet but when I grew up and realized the necessity to empty myself of negativity, the first form that came naturally to me was ranting (which uses mouth as the outlet).  

In my initial days of the fellowship at the training institute, I had a colleague who would go to great lengths to annoy me. He was a pervert of the highest order and I was spending major portions of my day with him. I will cringe at his translated actions of various thoughts will reflect his ugly mindset all day and then go and empty the big bulky tank of exasperation and bitterness at night.

What I thought was emptying, however, was not even close. Instead in a week’s time, I gradually found out I had 2 rows full of these barrels of detestation. While I imagined I was getting better by verbally venting it out, my confidante pricked my bubble and told me that I talked about nothing but him. So, I spent the entire day feeling a strong aversion towards him and came back home and ranted about his annoying habits in a better than ‘pyar ka punchnama’ monologue. Wow, so now apart from the compulsion to spend my former part of the day with him, I voluntarily like a ‘genius’ that I am, was making the latter half about him too.

The ranting version of venting is flawed. The negativity breeds more negativity till you are caught in a whirlpool of harmful emotions pulling you down.

We have believed for the longest time that displacement of anger in a one-sided transfer proves to be helpful. The screaming and shouting or displacement of the anger on a pillow by punching it or boxing on the wall does not help. Freud’s ‘Catharsis theory’ stating that aggressive actions purge anger has been debunked by Geen and Quanty (1977) who published their influential review of catharsis theory in ‘Advances in Experimental Social Psychology’. They concluded that venting anger escalated it instead of sobering it down. The instant anger outlet only provides momentary relief before it comes back darker and stronger.

Also, rumination, which is focusing on the inward self at the surge of anger, studies suggested that it only aggravated the negative mood. If the given individual is made to think about how they feel or describe it, the anger levels will be maintained, if not end up exacerbating the condition.

These activities were like being caught in a feedback loop of negativity.

So, the next day when I came back home instead of indulging in an aggressive release, I stumbled across my harmonium which was sitting in a corner accumulating layers of dust. I sat down with it and flipped pages through my old music diary and started playing a few notes. Needless to say, I felt a new wave of calmness spread over me. I slept like a baby that day.Another time, I felt overwhelmed with emotions after a verbal spat with a friend and I couldn’t think straight. I was so pumped up, ready to throw out abuses like darts at her when I took a deep breath and suddenly I had an urge to stretch my arms. I opened my arms wide, swung them around and before I knew it I was gliding across the room slicing the air with my awkward movements like a chicken flapping its wings. I didn’t break into a proper jig like the Punjabi wedding style one but a more natural way of just plain movement.

I felt ecstatic. This worked better than any therapy I had taken.

Gradually, the pattern emerged and I started noting down all the new activities I could voluntarily pump the bursting rage into or resort to when emotionally unstable. It was turning out to be miraculously helpful.

Ranting and negative outbursts were enhancing the negativity building up like a tumour while these newly developed eccentric interests would not only neutralize it but also transform the stinky vibes into bubbling positivity. 

Given that we generally stick to the Hydraulic model of piling up distress, which talks about high pressure, a relatable way to think about it can be in terms of the bow and arrow. The best time and way to start a new activity and practice it daily is hence when our barrel is full.

The string of the bow is taut due to the building pressure and hence the energy which is the arrow will now be directed when you shoot. It can be either be directed towards self-destruction by ranting or aggressive activities which invite harm or towards making you smarter.

Yes, no kidding.

Scientists have claimed that our brain has the magnificent ability actually to form new neural connections by re-organizing itself throughout our lives. 

No brownie points for guessing how that happens.

Learning and practicing a certain set of new activities!

This bottled up turbulence is finally acting as the Aladdin’s lamp and on rubbing comes out the genie in full glory who will grant your wish to make you smarter! 

Now, what are these activities which facilitate you to make a conscious choice towards your growth and help you maintain a healthy balance while venting out? Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

I introduced this concept to my friend circle and most of them claim that it works. It does take an initial effort to channelize the fire inside but after crossing that first barrier, it works like a charm.

After their input and some research, I managed to loosely divide them into three types namely physical, mental and emotional buckets:-

Surge of Anger – When I was bursting out in anger, all red in fury, playing ping pong, exercising, freestyle dancing without the pressure to remember the steps, learning a new musical instrument and washing my clothes in a set deadline helped me

Mental Unrest  – While my thoughts played me for a puppet, I found chess, Sudoku, doodling, or reading a book and learning a new language were a good start to engage my mind.

Emotional Tide  – To ride the overemotional wave, I had the adult colouring book, sewing, writing a journal and cooking with your non-dominant hand to the rescue. Also, if you come across a child’s lego blocks, rejoice! Oddly enough, they help. 

Hence, the steps are as follows:-

1^st Identify the bucket according to the disturbance 

2^nd Pick a corresponding activity.

3^rd Practice it.

So, next time that co-worker pisses you off, you can be on your way to becoming the next Mozart! 

When you find yourself brimming with anger, anxiety or clouded with sentiments, pick up a suitable activity and practice your way to becoming a smarter, healthier you!

Also, not just in adults, even the kids I teach have got a flavour of it. So whenever my kids show similar frenzy instead of scolding them or asking them to write 10 pages of a book which they dread as a consequence of their action, I instead ask them to pick up a task. I have broken it down into a 3 step procedure for them on a chart – How do you feel? 

1. Anger 

2. Anxiety or Overthinking 

3. Emotionally overwhelmed

1^st go choose your feeling. Accordingly, pick up an activity on the corresponding chart. Do it for 20 min. Return to your seat. 

They enjoy it so much that now they have started cooking up their turmoil story to get to do these activities, but that’s a different story altogether. 

So, what we fail to realize is the power of venting out positively. We need to harness this power that we have in our hands to practically increase our intelligence levels utilizing the piled up feelings and anger in the best way possible.

Directed venting has the power to make you smarter!

Even if the changes will not be visible to you immediately, starting with the little activities like cutting your nails or changing your bed sheet also add immense positivity to your life. Owning the space and body you live in is very important for a balanced mental and physical health. The space you inhabit is a part of you. Be at peace with the self, yourself and you shall be at peace with the others.

A Safe Day

I lie down in my bed of thorns tonight
And scream
And scream into the abyss
Sharp thorns schematically laid out by the likes of you
Scratching and piercing through my flesh
Washing over my body trickling out warm crimson
Cleansing it with fresh wounds
Is what I have rehearsed often enough
For your unfaltering belief and courage
That my body is your private property
Failed to deter you from groping my parts
Branding me with bruises
As I play board in your game of darts

The walls of my room closing in like the caressing arms of my mother
Coaxing me to shout, to let it all out
Telling me that my wild shrieks will be absorbed and dissolved
Like they never even left my mouth
 I part my lips but no voice comes out

My steady stride with the chin held up high
Burnt a big hole in your majestic patriarchal kingdom
Where my being comfortable in my own skin is a sin
You stood there, creepily conscious of my unconsciousness
Towards the way my hips swayed as I crossed you
What an inextinguishable fire! Such adamantine pride?
How dare she?
She shall be condemned for her audacity to be herself in my world

You exhibit your prowess as a skillful archer, as you tie taut the string of chauvinism
And pull out your arrows of insults
At a closer range, your aim is brilliant
And you never miss a shot!
Penetrating the canvas of my skin
Like a voodoo doll lying flat with a dozen pins poking out,
You curse me.

I gulp down the coagulated lump of:
“Your eyes are like slits,
You have thinner than iron rod wrists,
You stole your nose from Pinocchio
Dear God, eww your crooked smile
Your gait is so slutty
Is she sending me an invite?”
No!

My gaze has lowered down to 45 degrees now,
And I fastened my pace
Just to come across the next of your kin
Holding up the criticism revolver
Oh, he had me at gunpoint
Pelting bullets of the expectations of a tiny waist, a fuller bust,
Fairer complexion and a shapely butt
I made a dash for cover but too late!
The bug of body shaming bit me
Adhering  to the rules laid out by the
 Ministry of Socially acceptable beauty standards worldwide
In a memorandum issued for the welfare of the existing male privilege
Enclosing a long list of “What’s hot and what’s not”

I rushed to the mirror to catch a glimpse.
To my utter horror,
I failed to recognize the reflection that stared back at me
Because this morning,
“My eyes were nothing but the brightest stars in the darkest night,
My wrists were docile and dainty
My smile was a million watt bedazzling fireworks
My body was fit and healthy
And I was grateful for my two feet to walk straight.”
But now the remnant is dead and hollow.
 
I violently scratch and dig in my nails to peel the epidermis
Hoping to leave it behind to be renewed by a fresh layer
Like a snake does
Praying to replace it with the fairness and curves “at the right places”
Or to pull it out like the cream floating on piping hot tea
For my breezy blue t-shirt looking like a beautiful summer daydream earlier
Is now soaked in red to turn into a scary lilac like the storm brewing
In my body, in my mind, in my soul.

I step out the next to next day
For the immediate next was too painful
This time my head is barely raised enough to ensure that I don’t trip and fall
Tongue dry, breath sucked in, scared of taking too much space of your world
Of literally existing
I stealthily walk towards my class
Like a feeble lamb avoiding the butcher’s sight
You can smell fear, I hear
Like a hungry hound salivating
Breathing down my neck
You caught me by hair and yanked
As I fell back into oblivion

The raging uproar is nothing like ever before
A different intense and consuming pain has taken over
One which remains alien to me
Worse than banging the poor pinky against the bed’s corner
Or the 1st heartbreak over a lover’s spat
The paper cuts hurt less too
Much less than a foreign man flouting the moral code
Breaching the boundaries to grab and hold
Even the thief comes stealing at ‘night’, tiptoeing in cautiously
Silently between bated breath and whispers
But the big man on the street, who had grabbed me without any forewarning
Sans any inhibitions or a double minded thought
In broad daylight, with no discretion whatsoever
Like it is the most natural thing in the world to do
Never more have I wished to own Harry’s invisibility cloak.

I get to hear, “Send me the coordinates of your cab.” More than “How was your day?”
When I am alone in the taxi,
I pretend to give my location on the call, although my phone is dead
Carrying a pepper spray is far more of a necessity than the sunscreen in summers
For the sunburns are temporary
I slog an extra hour in the self-defense class after my day at work
The averted eyes in the rearview mirror burn like a laser beam through my body
As my hand instinctively jolts to check any unattended visible bra strap or a hint of cleavage
Or my bare arms, or lips or merely my eyes
Any part visible might be capable of distracting him
 My sent messages are out flowing with “Reached home safely” texts
Other times my male colleagues drop me till where my brother or father stand, from one male member to another,
Like a baton in a relay race, they take me to the finish line

I lie down in my bed of thorns tonight
But breathe a sigh of relief for another safe day








Here is the YouTube link of the narration - A Safe Day

Scheme of the flu | Spoken word poetry

Balaji Vishwanathan's guest lecture in a nutshell

                                   

“I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think” - Socrates

He entered without a prepared presentation or any agenda like the others to ‘teach’ us. He radiated an intellectual charm combined with humility and a comfortable approachability.

A man had casually walked in on the stage without airs or any sign of descending from the sun. A humble erudite persona, dressed simply in a white shirt, denim jeans and a black jacket with the chest pocket reading ‘Quora Top Writer 2013’. Balaji Vishwanathan graced the lecture hall of LNM Institute of Information Technology which was overflowing with inquisitive excited young minds, with his remarkable presence.

                                      

Peeking out from behind him was Mitra, a stark white, straight out of the sci-fi movie, nuts and bolts holding the swinging arms and legs, a horizontal cylinder for a face with square eyes, button nose and a well-defined mouth. Mitra is a humanoid robot targeted for improving customer interaction. It has the ability to recognize speech, detect faces and engage in conversations.

Mr. Vishwanathan is the VP of products at Invento, a company which runs IoT/Robotics themed makerspaces. Mitra, their flagship product is an attempt to bring the advent of the era of commercial robots in the market. His star status on Quora, a question-and-answer site, as the most followed user, is no less a feat altogether. His knowledge spreads far and wide in the fields of Indian history, politics, ethnicities, finance, economics, religion, education, and technology to name a few.

He started with the example of Jarvis, a recently developed AI (artificial intelligence) for home automation by Mark Zuckerberg who had released a fun summary video of this home assistant incorporating AI systems of speech recognition, face recognition and language processing to ease his day to day task of turning off the lights or singing lullaby to his daughter etc. Google home and the Amazon Echo are the other players in the market who have ventured into the arena of controlling smart homes with easy voice commands. These products throw light on the emerging niche market of AI and its seamless integration in our life by making it easier.

He emphasized on the scarcity of companies dealing with manufacturing and selling of commercial robots specializing in face and voice recognition, with the only one being in Japan, other than Invento Tech. On the shape and features of  Mitra, he claimed that generally people are not comfortable with something without arms and legs but going to the extremity of exhibiting human similarity by giving it a human face also creeps them out. He carried on by explaining the target audience of his product and the need of having commercial robots in workspace and houses by giving the example of old age home caring facilities.

After this brief introduction of the topic of his intended talk about the AI technologies and its awaited boom, he opened the floor for questions. He was inclined towards having an informal interaction with the students responding to their individual queries on any topic under the sun. The questions soon started pouring to which he answered wholeheartedly displaying his expertise, commendable coherence and apparent clarity of thoughts on all the subjects.

                                   

First, he mentioned the evident flaws in our obsolete education system and how the prevalent ideologies and practices have been the dregs of the early religious preaching and customs carried on up till now. Pointing to the 2ft pedestal he stood on to deliver the lecture, he drew the parallelisms between how in early times the ‘Guru’ was given the stature of God and that was the origin of a teacher standing on a higher level than student while imparting knowledge.

He focused on education being ‘free’ not as in free beer but as ‘freedom’. The freedom to choose from the plethora of existing fields in the world which the child inherits an interest in. Also, why stick to it for the rest of your life when you are capable of learning any new technology or a skill that grabs your attention. Our education system catered to the requirements or prerequisites of the jobs in the industrial revolution era. The conventional formal education today as we know it prepared us for when we had to work all our lives in a single profession. However, in today's fast-paced world, we have the potential, the resources and the power to experiment and evolve in multiple domains, one after the other, many times. After 12 years of age, there remains no point of binding the kid’s imagination to the formal structured diluted information in the schools. They should be free to explore on their own into the realms of their unabated passion and unchartered territories.

"Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune." - Jim Rohn 

The major fallacy of our education institution remains that even after completing the formal school education and a prim and proper graduation degree, most of our youth falls in the category of ‘unemployable’ by major companies. This tragedy of modern times where a finished product of our institutionalized education is labeled as ‘incompetent’ in the real world and has outgrown his essential years of exploration of his talent. The wasted years in cramming useless facts could have been utilized by optimal exposure for the child to experiment. We need to draw inspiration from the parents of a 15-year-old who decided to take a year off after her 10^th board examinations to travel the world and try out new things. She had the most productive year ending with her growing love for coding in Python (not childish theoretical stuff but actual applications as seen in the industry), a finished book and a traveler’s heart. This should be the first step towards ensuring quality education of our new generation to revive India’s position in the world as the ‘Knowledge Superpower’.

A pivotal shift was now observed in the discussion as after education we proceeded to how Nationalism is a necessary evil. The compulsion of playing the ‘national anthem’ before every movie in each theater to instill “committed nationalism” is going way overboard with the whole idea of patriotism. Then why do we put up with it? He added a new dimension to our understanding by highlighting the otherwise overlooked concept of how the society gets readily divided into segments based on caste, languages etc. which form the root cause of the deadly riots and local feuds. All these differences are neglected when everybody comes together to stand united in the name of patriotism. The sweeping jingoism across the country, on the other hand, is dangerous and unacceptable.

The next question following this was what has been on the tip of the tongue of people for years now about how the digitization in industries and service sector will lead to unemployment on a large scale. His response described how England at the time of industrial revolution had nothing to lose and hence went ahead to embrace rather than fear India’s leading cotton industries in the world and eventually manipulating it to their own benefits. Similarly, India is in the spot where it has nothing to lose right now in terms of advancements of cutting edge technology. A quotation from the Brad Pitt movie Fight Club “It’s only after we have lost everything that we’re free to do anything” fits here perfectly. So now starting from scratch, we are at the best place to adopt latest inventions, welcome the era of digitalization with open arms and transform into a world’s superpower by 2050. 

We need to invest in our manufacturing sector by using high-tech robots to facilitate automation, provide better quality, efficiency and cheaper products. Nobody can yet predict the humongous opportunities the tectonic shift from the manual to the digital world would bring along. It will open the gateway to an entirely new stream of jobs nobody has imagined up till now.

The next query flipped over the lecture to the ‘fake news’ floating around and their massive influence on people, especially during the American elections. The negative repercussions of these fake websites, operated by some teenagers in Europe which had sprung up overnight, feeding the citizens tempered news and baseless facts, were observed worldwide.

The standards of traditional media have fallen steeply which created a vacuum with desperate need of trusted news sources. This is where these trashy websites stepped in. People have lost faith in the conventional media to report the news without any fabrication. The reporters instead of plainly reporting the actual incident smother us with their own judgments on the issue. The media’s reputation is in grave jeopardy today. The world has rapidly raced towards the age of Information warfare.

The final concluding theme was the necessity of the existence of a healthy competition. The importance of China and Pakistan as a constant external threat to strengthen our feeling of solidarity was discussed upon in detail. Had there been no China to race against, we wouldn’t have budged an inch. Without their nuclear warfare and diplomats, we wouldn’t have learned to play the games of global politics. The western countries today plunge their eyebrows in a frown over China’s growing GDP but had it ceased to exist then India would have been their target to focus their efforts to inhibit our growth. China proves to be a great opponent, one pushing us forward to a new zenith.

Who would we rather be playing with? A great opponent who teaches and challenges us to do better or a lame loser whom we beat without batting an eyelash and who fails to put up a good fight?

As a final note, he left us mesmerized with the painted picture of history repeating itself where India will once again be admiringly referred to as the ‘Golden Bird’ (‘Sone ki Chidiya’) on its rise to prosperity and glory and we would be the change-bearers of the new era.

Jagriti Yatra – Experience of a lifetime

 Gazing out of the window, I see a world of trees and mountains, rivers and valleys, flowers and fruits whiz past me. I barely manage to squeeze my hand out from the horizontal iron bars to feel a gush of wind blow past it as I clench my fist to dearly hold on to the flying moments slipping by. The sceneries are changing at a rapid pace almost merging into one another forming a kaleidoscope of memories knitted together by a tender thread of time, both spent and lost in this breathing, writhing, squirming and rejoicing soul of the Jagriti Yatra Rail.  

I sit there spellbound by the expanse of physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual roller-coaster experiences on this yatra which have ended in a blink of an eye. 12 destinations, 15 days, 15 role models, 450 yatris and 8000kms: spanning the potpourri of cultures, knowledge, demography and topography across India. This minuscule dot in the time frame is spreading swiftly and deeply creating a major impact blotting my life canvas with a motley of colours, much more than years of conventional education and experiential practices. My glorious escapades from the daily habitual routines to this journey gave way to an excavated cavity of untapped potential and newly discovered curiosity in various unchartered domains. The random ideas substantiated into a tangible business model, multiple sporadic dots could now be connected while some new dots sprang up. The vast exposure offered by the yatra has opened new pathways whose existence I was unaware of, out of the box solutions to the extremely common problems which required a critical point of view to be noticed, sensitivity towards our own roots and much more.

As Shashank Mani had beautifully put it,”Nare nahin lagane, kaam karna hai”(Translation: We do not believe in shouting slogans but in working towards bringing a change). Each yatri resonated his belief as they started on a journey to play their part in building India through social enterprise.

The ignited spark of rebellion to refrain from accepting the existing poor state of tier 2 and tier 3 districts and taking an initiative of change through feasible and sustainable solutions has been one of the many outcomes in the form of a visible difference after the yatra. The insights from the multiple role models and their journey towards a better India has added fuel to the fire of taking a step towards being the change we want to see in the world. The yatra focused on a plethora of verticals like education, manufacturing, healthcare, sanitation, arts, sports etc. which highlighted the burning issues in the middle of the pyramid, the strata comprising of around 750 million Indians today. An approach to address the problems by following a well-devised step by step business plan from seed funding to the target customers to a revenue model, its sustainability and the impact was learned and executed in the Biz Gyan Tree Event held at Deoria. The panel discussions leading to open Q/A sessions were particularly successful in resolving the personal queries which were helpful to the masses rather than acquiring only the factual and superficial information about that enterprise. 

Inside the train was a different story altogether. A mini India (or a mini world, as we had international participants from various countries) was a dynamic hub of exchange of ideas, cultures, knowledge, habits and skills. It was a molten pot of gold of vibrant activities going on 24*7 between the people from rural and urban backgrounds. Despite having a language barrier they never ceased to dwell on the constructive aura in the train which they could both share and understand.  Presentations on role models enhanced the confidence of many and gave them a platform to thoroughly research the assigned enterprise and brainstorm critically to find flaws in their flourishing existential system. AC chair car sessions held on the train regulated the process of constant unlearning and learning to optimize our limited time together. 

The train also provides a few snuggle spots to curl in and zone out in a whirlpool of self-introspection. Recall your day in flashes of important quotes, ideas, new implementation techniques or a way of life. Absorb the impressing novelties all around and let them seep into your blood to become a part of you. Rejoice at the discovery of a new passion in your heart; celebrate the sown seed of curiosity. 

The yatra is a parallel universe co-existing in real time, far away from the monotony and comfort of our daily routine of jobs/college etc., uniting each one of us on a common platform to view real India with the tinted glasses of comprehending the difficulties of the masses and coming up with viable solutions in form of a social enterprise for nation building. It stretches us physically, mentally and emotionally to grow our sphere of personal development. Our survival instincts are honed while we manage to live in cramped spaces in motion. We get in touch with ourselves profoundly and wander across unexplored territories of our own heart. The yatra also ensures a lifetime supply of strong alumni network as a backbone. The relations build in the train are gems for life. The laughter and cries, hues and blues in the journey are the jewels embellishing my life for now and ever.  

                                     

What I take away from the yatra remains ineffable and words cannot do justice to it. It is something I cannot even come close to explaining. You have to experience it to feel it! 

With this I bid farewell as the anthem reflecting the spirit of Jagriti Yatra “Yaaron Chalo” reverberates through the huge auditorium when the entire Jagriti family swings in rhythm and coordination, fully charged with overflowing positive energy, with a promise in their heart and determination in their soul to be the change. 

The wheels of transformation have been set in motion.

We are India, We are change!

Yaaron Chalo! 

 - Yatri Id 10278

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Magic Pocket

The brief periods of surreal rendezvous are what make life worthwhile. Not Prada, not Ducati but these.

The little packets of boundless joy in time are stationed at some predestined locations and moments (space and time) which are a source of deep satisfaction and a frenzy of happiness teamed up with a vague sense of completion. All the existing energy in the universe is in perfect alignment in these pockets. Everyone is flawlessly carrying out their respective roles. Everything is in the right place, at the right time.

The voices from the history remain a mystery etching an image you can’t shake off or make a logical sense about. Hallucinations of another dimension from a different era, yet all from behind the veil of your own eyes creep in a distinct feeling of familiarity.

Nature’s blissful harmony is beyond perfection as the God’s symphony reverberates, piercing out through the pores of the body as the soul shudders. The time stands still for an instant like your presence in vacuum as you lose sense of space, before being sucked into a turbulent whirlpool of memories long forgotten.

The accumulated dust of monotonous cycle of routine is shaken off as a new rejuvenated, replenished and a healed soul soaked in salvation like contentment emerges from behind the thick curtains of oblivion. The heart rejoices as a silent prayer involuntarily escapes the tender lips to the heaven above with a subtly bowed down head. The golden rays gently kiss thy head as a blessing.

I happen to believe this was the closest I have come to experiencing, what I perceive is the Aleph.

You just walk straight into it but never walk out the same.

These magical pockets of divine intervention stir something deep inside you. They let you know you are alive. They remind you of your purpose.